To Jessie James:
You Stupid Bugger! You cheated on Sandra Bullock? How in the world can you be so stupid?
You’re married to one of the most beautiful women in the world. She has a body to die for, and her current wealth is shadowed only by Oprah’s.
Your wife recently beat out Julia Roberts in the polls, and is now named “America ’s Sweetheart.”
You may also remember, she just won an Oscar and praised you up and down in front of the world, while you were porkin’ away.
You are really a piece of work!
You’re the most hated cheater on the planet! How can you live with yourself?
There’s only one thing I have to say to a despicable, miserable, cheating piece of work like you: Thanks for taking the heat off of me; let’s do lunch.